Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 16, 2005
Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara
Anticipation
I'm a single, 45-year-old guy who spends a great deal of time alone, not necessarily by choice. Since my divorce over eight years ago, I've met and dated many women, but still find myself alone without the steady love, companionship, and support I had when I married. Either she isn't my type, or I'm not hers.
Living in an urban area with a great number of singles makes me feel invisible, and I find it increasingly daunting to just approach a woman, especially if she is younger and attractive. Online dating has been all right, but nothing I'd call great. After all, I'm still single.
Well-meaning friends tell me love comes when we least expect it, when we're not looking for it. I know this to be true from my own experience, but I am frightened if I simply give up and stop looking, I'll never find a new love at all. Any advice on how to go about attracting a new love would be greatly appreciated.
Roger
Roger, Aristophanes, the ancient Greek playwright, told a myth about love. Men and women, he said, were originally one being with a single head and two faces turned in opposite directions. These original human beings had four arms and four legs, and each was supremely happy. They were as complete as a circle.
But the god Zeus was jealous of mankind, so he sent a thunderbolt to split humans in two. Ever since men and women have tried to restore their original nature by finding their other half. When that happens, according to the myth, a man and a woman are "lost in an amazement of love, friendship, and intimacy."
Are you, perhaps, discounting some women based on a bias, criterion, or wish? We don't choose who we love. When the right person comes into your life, they will be as they will be, and you will find you love them as they are. Love makes the other person perfect.
Perhaps you need to spend more time focusing on yourself, instead of focusing on someone to be with. Connect with your passions, your interests, and what fills you up. In living life to the fullest extent--out there, engaged in life, following your passions in the midst of others--you allow yourself to come in contact with the one for you.
The fuller you are the more desirable you will be to the one who is right for you. When you are living your life to the fullest, you have a life worthy of living. You have a measure of happiness in that kind of life. The icing on the cake will be when it brings you in contact with your other half.
Wayne & Tamara
Color Of Love
I am a 28-year-old lady dating an older man. He's white; I am black. We also live on different continents. Mixed race relationships are frowned on in Africa, and white is the color of money. So when we walk on the streets, we get a funny look from people. He gets treated better at hotels because the assumption is he's a tourist and I'm a prostitute.
This has led me to change my wardrobe, stick to suits, and wear nothing flashy. I am financially independent and seek no financial assistance from him. We get along well together and take life at the same pace. I know I love him and want to be with him for a very, very long time.
Before I met him I was tired of relationships with no direction. I guess I am just seeking permission from society.
Leah
Leah, a character in a Lilian Jackson Braun novel remarks, "Love is like lightening. It can strike anywhere." In some places you can expect funny looks or worse, but if you truly love each other, there is a place for both of you. Age and race don't determine love.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at
www.WayneAndTamara.com
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com
