Direct Answers Column for the week of November 21, 2005
Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara
Close Encounters
Like many couples out there, my relationship with my spouse has been quite challenging. We've been together for the last five years and have one child. About two months ago I started e-mailing my neighbor's husband about work. It turned into fantasy role-playing and e-mail tag. It lasted about two and a half weeks before we physically connected.
No, we didn't sleep together, but we did quite a bit. We met three times. Once I was pretty drunk, and the other two times I was quite sober--excited, but starting to feel guilty as hell. Things were coming to an end because I wanted to work on my relationship.
Two weeks ago I get a call from his wife saying she's in front of their computer reading an e-mail. She wants to know what the hell is going on. I told her something was going on--I couldn't lie because I didn't know which e-mail was in front of her--but that we hadn't slept together. Blah, blah, blah.
I'm planning to tell my spouse this weekend, away from the house, without interruptions. But man, I don't know how? He is going to freak out! Especially since one of my lines to him awhile ago was, "Babe, I swear I will never cheat on you. If ever something is to happen, I'll tell you."
Not! Yes, I am feeling extremely guilty, and yes, I want to work on my relationship with my husband. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Janis
Janis, it must have been a tough two weeks trying to keep your neighbor's wife away from your husband. It's like you committed a crime, you can hear sirens wailing in the distance, and you know the police are enroute to your house. You called us, as your lawyers, for advice.
As your mouthpiece, we'll review the options. Blame your husband. Accuse him of emotional neglect and lack of communication. It must be his fault. Or point the finger at the neighbor. If this Lothario hadn't pursued you, nothing would have happened. Then again, the culprit could be the neighbor's wife. She wasn't taking care of her man.
Perhaps society had a role in this. After all, everyone's doing it. Or finally, you might deny everything. It wasn't sex because you didn't sleep together.
The problem with all these defenses is you knew you were married, you knew it was wrong, and you got caught red-handed. As your lawyers we can't assist you in preparing a defense we know is false.
There is something else we know is true. There is so little connection between you and your husband this occurred. The two of you need to sit down and honestly decide if staying together simply postpones the inevitable.
Wayne & Tamara
Close To The Vest
I'm 40 and dating again, which is confusing stuff. My friends tell me the man I have been dating for three weeks is moving too slow. I disagree. We've had two dates in three weeks with the promise of him fixing me dinner next time. He calls every three or four days, and we chat for an hour or so. There have been nice hugs and kisses at the end of dates.
We are both self-employed and work 60 hours plus each week. I feel he is interested and we have a great time together, but my other single friends tell me he isn't interested because he hasn't yet tried to have sex with me. So what do you think? Taking his time or not interested? Oh yes, he's done all the calling and asking out.
Sara
Sara, you neglected to mention option three. Your girlfriends are jealous. A nice man, a gentleman, who is not rushing you
and there's something wrong? We think not! Share fewer details with your girlfriends, keep more within your own heart, and see what develops. Initial indicators? This one has potential.
Tamara
Authors and columnists
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at
www.WayneAndTamara.com
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com
